Mixed emotions....

I had hoped to receive the letter from SPA regarding my PTD Assessment Programme details last week, but it did not come in. I have been meaning to check on the website for any updates, but asyik lah terlupa. So, when CKay buzzed me with the question on the programme details, I immediately check out SPS's website.

There it was!! The details were there... I need to check-in on Sept 1, 2006 at INTENGAH...Masin betul mulut Mak... She said, "Entah-entah kamu kena daftar masa majlis Ija nanti." Memang betul kata dia...sebab my sis' akad nikah would be on the Sept 1, 2006 followed by the reception at our place the next day and terus majlis pihak lelaki the day after. So how? I'm torn... One part of me really wanted to try the programme, and hopefully I would pass the tests there. Self-satisfaction for me.. But, on the other hand, if I go, I would miss the big events. Which one is more important? Aiyoh, pening! pening!!

Tengah-tengah pening fikir pasal this matter, I got a surprise call from someone far away. Some One's Mother... Some One who once had a special place inside my heart. I was really surprised to receive the call! She sounded the same- just like years before when I used to communicate with her a lot. Talking to her brought tears to my eyes. Suddenly all the memories came flooding back into my mind...

She asked why I never come to visit her and Pakcik? How could I? I would surely break down there.. I had thought to visit some time back, not long after He passed away, but in the end, I didn't believe I could control myself, thus I cancelled the plan. I thought Pakcik and Makcik have forgotten about me the moment He and I parted ways, but I was wrong.

I asked Makcik why she and Pakcik never attended my wedding (I did send the invitation to them although He was not around anymore at that time) Makcik said, it was too painful for them to attend my wedding, remembering the old days when He and I were still an item... That was why they never made it....

She promised to meet me if she comes to visit her other son in the future. She also asked me to visit them whenever I go up North. She also informed me that Tok left only 40 days after He left...I was saddened by this new piece of information...

And though a few years have passed by, the memories never really left me... Everytime I'm reminded of Him, I felt sad and a bit guilty.. But, the good thing about it was, I saw clearly of Allah's plan... Only HIM the Almighty knows what's installed for us in the future, and HE created the paths so nicely until we reach the end of our journey... Along the way, there would be thorns, happiness and sadness, but they were all necessary for us to reach the end goal that HE had determined for us...That surely strengthened my faith in Qada' and Qadar...